Sorry
by superstargirl818
Summary: What if Edward managed to get Rosalie away in Breaking Dawn? What if Edward had managed to get rid of the baby he thought a danger to his wife? What would this mean for Bella and Edward? Will the Cullens be able to survive their biggest challenge yet?
1. Chapter 1

It was killing her. Every day that monster was becoming more and more stronger and my Bella my beautiful, funny, courageous Bella was dying. She would not survive the birth I was sure of that. I began thinking of all the things I loved about Bella it was a coping strategy I used whenever things became too much. Whenever I got worried about life without her I thought about life with her. Her blush whenever she caught me staring at her, Her laugh which was to me the most beautiful sound in the world, Her clumsiness, her selflessness, her beauty and even more the fact that she does not try to be beautiful nor does she acknowledge it. Even silly little things like catching her dancing around the kitchen to the spice girls while cooking filled me with love for this girl.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Bella gasp saying "oh he's just stretching" I nearly lost it there and then I wanted to. I wanted to scream, shout and smash the whole house up before ripping Rosalie to shreds and then getting that . . . that …thing out of her before it killed her. However I didn't. I knew that too much stress was not good for Bella in her current condition and so I settled for glaring at Rosalie. I felt a warm stroking sensation on my hand and realised that Bella was stroking it. She was silently pleading to me with her eyes to behave. I lost myself in her eyes for a few moments. To me Bella's eyes were the prettiest part of her and when she said that I dazzled her I laughed at the irony of it because she often dazzled me.

I had to do something. I tore my eyes away from Bella, kissed her head and with a last dirty look at Rosalie I walked out of the room looking for the people who could help me. I found the first one sitting on the stairs. "Hiya Alice" I greeted, sitting down next to her she glared at me suspiciously "I know your planning something" she said. I decided to plead my case "Alice please I'm begging you. This thing is a monster and its killing Bella. She will not survive it will be some mutant monster that the volturi will make us kill anyway" She frowned "Edward I agree with you but I'm physic remember? This would kill her and she'd never trust you again" I sighed impatiently "Alice, I don't care I would rather have her hate me than have her dead I love her and will do anything to save her" She looked torn and started to say something until I interrupted with the perfect argument "Imagine how guilty you'd feel if she dies and you didn't do anything to save her. You would feel like you contributed to her death and it would kill you" I saw that she made up her mind before she even told me. "just tell me what I have to do" she said glumly she was feeling guilty about betraying bella but itg would be worth it in the end. "Just make sure that everyone apart from me and Rosalie are out hunting. Believe me Alice you won't regret this" I stood up afraid to hope that everything would be alright but I couldn't help it. Maybe just maybe if Jacob plays ball this will all end happily ever after.

I found Jacob on the porch brooding about Bella's latest break. Poor kid I really have begun to like the guy this past few weeks. Now that his thoughts were all about helping and saving Bella rather than kissing her and winning her over like they were a few months back he really has become likable. I hoped that Jake would help me. "Nice night" I said nodding to the sky. He raised his eyebrows as if to say "we're talking about the weather?" I grinned and got to the point. "I've thought of a way to save Bella" I said turning to face him he looked shocked, I continued "Alice is going to persuade the whole family to go hunting tomorrow. The whole family goes hunting and it's only me, you and Rose. You grab Rose and I'll grab Bella and go upstairs I drug Bella and get rid of that thing. You keep Rose from coming upstairs at any cost attack if you must" I waited for his response "that's a risky plan" he said slowly "you sure it'll work?" I rolled my eyes impatiently "it's foolproof and will definitely work, Alice knows" He looked reassured "so are you in?" I tapped my foot impatiently and he nodded determinedly. I smiled and went to set things up for the procedure.

THE NEXT DAY

It was perfect. Everything was set up and the whole family was hunting, Rosalie was sat on the couch and she and Bella were watching TV. I heard Jake come in and after 5 minutes of sitting there in silence I nodded to him. He jumped on Rosalie and I didn't look at them as I quickly picked Bella up as gently and briskly as possible, she started screaming realizing what was going on. She was tossing and turning trying to get out of my iron clad grasp. We arrived at Carlisle's study and she started crying. It broke my heart to see her go through this but I knew I was doing the right thing. She grabbed an ornament of the side as we passed and she tried to hit me with it but it just smashed on impact. She tried a different tactic. "Please" She begged "Please, Edward, Please don't do this" I could barely hear her through her sobs, but I did and very nearly stopped until a picture in my mind forced me to go on. It was Bella dead. It was from Alice's vision when Bella and I started dating. I couldn't let that happen so I laid her down on the bed and I sedated her. I got to work on giving Bella a C-Section while trying to ignore the bangs coming from downstairs.

8 Hours Later - BPOV

Everything was hazy I wasn't sure were I was or even why I was there, I was slowly coming around though. The last thing I remembered I was being carried upstairs to bed by Edward that sounds nice but . . . no I was crying screaming why? Then it all came back to me as I opened my eyes. I looked down desperately at my now flat stomach. I let out a cry of pain and as I did I saw that Edward was sat next to me. He looked tortured. I saw that he was holding my hand and I felt sick. I snatched my hand away and got up, not looking at him. "Bella" I heard him say. When I didn't answer he got up and put his hand on my back I nudged his hand off and turned around saying with as much venom as possible "get your filthy murdering hands off me" He recoiled and the door opened. I turned around and saw Alice there. She looked forlorn "Is there anything i can get you Bella?" I wanted her to leave so I just said "apart from him gone, Water" She gave me a sympathetic smile and left as I located my sneakers and sat down to put them on. Edward approached me slowly, hesitantly and sat down on the bed next to me I stood up and headed towards the door but was stopped by Edward's words "It was a girl" He said them so quietly I wasn't even sure I heard right. I was torn.

I wanted to leave but I also wanted to find out more about my baby. I made my decision in seconds. I turned around and said nothing waiting for him to continue. "She had your eyes and beautiful golden curls and the most heart-warming smile" Edward whispered brokenly "She was not a monster, She had a heart that beat and strong vampire skin. She was alive for 3 seconds before she died in my arms" Edward said before collapsing and dry sobbing on the floor. I felt sick and it took me a few seconds to locate my voice but when I did I let rip. "you deserve that," I said to him my voice growing stronger with every word I said "I want you to feel the pain you inflicted on me because I feel like everything inside me has died. My poor darling little baby girl MURDERED by her own dad! She will never walk or talk or play or laugh or run or get married or go on holiday and it's your fault" Edward looked up at me pathetically from the floor he had stopped sobbing but he was still in pain. His face showed that "I will never forgive you for this . . . you're a horrible monster you killed her"


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. My beautiful baby girl had been cruelly murdered by my husband and helped by my so called best friend who was now dead, not that I mourned the dog. In the space of just a week everything good in my life had been ruined. Friends? I had none Family? It had broken in the wake of what he did and my husband? I despised him; I was so sure that whatever he did I would forgive him. He had left me and I had welcomed him back he told me he was murderer and I barely batted an eyelash. All the love I had for him had been replaced by overwhelming hatred and revulsion. I didn't care that he too was broken. I didn't care that he hated himself for what he did, In fact I was happy. In a sick twisted way I wanted him to be in pain because it eased my guilt a little. I knew that I had no chance. He was a vampire and I was a weak human but I still knew I had failed. As a mother I should've protected my daughter but I couldn't. I finally looked at the vampire in front of me. He was now sat down on the floor in a state of shock or grief or pain I didn't care.

I had told him the truth and he couldn't handle it. That was his problem. I turned around and started walking towards the door but I was stopped in my tracks by the small pixie vampire that was Alice. I wouldn't have recognised her if I didn't know her well. She was strolling rather than her usual glide and her shoulders were slumped. She looked . . . guilty? I was confused but I put the thought to the back of my mind determined not to spend any more time in Edwards presence, Alice's words snapped me out of my thoughts "Here is your water" she mumbled. I took the water drained it in one and turned back to Alice "Alice where is she? I need to see her" Comprehension dawned on her face "She's with Rose, in her room" before Alice could say anything else I walked out of the room and nearly ran down the corridor towards Rosalie's bedroom. With every step I took it was getting harder and harder to remember my little nudger and I needed to know she was real. I walked up to the door and knocked gently. "Who is it?" Rosalie said sounding a little angry I realised she thought I was Edward and said quickly "It's me, Bella". "Oh" she said quietly.

A second later the door opened and Rosalie came out and I was shocked by her appearance. She had jet black eyes and bags under them, She was wearing a grey sweatshirt and matching bottoms and her hair was tied up in a scruffy bun. Her face was make-up free. It was obvious I wasn't the only one grieving. "Hi" I said quietly she gave me a small smile in response and then her face became so tragic that a man being burned at the stake would be in less pain. She took a deep breath and said " Bella I'm so so so sorry I don't know what happened one minute I was watching tv and then the dog flew at me out of nowhere and I heard you screaming and I tried to get to you but he cut me off so I turned around and fought him but by the time I finished it was too late and you don't know how guilty I feel I just hope that maybe you could forgive me" She looked so sad, "Rose you were the only one who tried. You cared and wanted her alive and you killed to try and protect her, I am so grateful to you there is nothing for me to forgive" my words didn't seem to ease her pain. I never thought they would, I decided to change the subject "Where is she?" I asked "She's in their, I've not left her alone once. I didn't want her to be scared on her own" Her voice broke on the last few words and I replied gently "thank you erm could I have a few minutes alone with her?" She smiled in understanding, nodded and walked downstairs. Like Alice she had lost her natural glide. I inhaled deeply, turned and opened the door.

Rosalie's room was the same as usual except there was a bassinet in the corner. I walked over and looked at her. Tears immediately pooled in my eyes. She looked like she was sleeping, she had golden curls, and chubby cheeks that I'm sure would have been permanently flushed if she was alive, she had the most perfect rosebud lips. I picked her up as gently as possible and sat down in the rocking chair that was right next to the bassinet. I smiled down at her "hello beautiful, wow your so pretty. You'd be breaking hearts if you got the chance" I sighed and tried to control my tears I needed to keep it together because I wanted to finish this and I knew if I started crying now then I would never stop. "I want to say sorry to you. I should have protected you and I'm the worlds worst mother I know that please believe me baby . . . I tried. I don't want you to be scared because I'm always going to here with you, holding you, loving you. I love you so much baby and nothing . . . absolutely nothing is going to change that. When people ask me do I have any kids I'm going to say yes, I'm going to say I have the most beautiful perfect daughter in the world" Still controlling my tears I just sat and rocked her kissing her tiny little head and face.

Some time later I don't know how much time precisely I heard a knock at the door and Rosalie came in "I'm sorry if I disturbed you it's just you were up here such a long time I didn't know if you did something stupid" She looked at the baby "She's beautiful isn't she?" I smiled and replied "The most perfect angel I've ever seen." I stood up and reluctantly put her back into her bassinet. Rosalie came up to me and said hesitantly "So have you thought of any names?" "Renesmee Rosalie Cullen" I replied. She looked touched "her middle name is Rosalie?" she said "you deserve it, you were like a mum to her and she wasn't even born" I replied. She hugged me and I realized I had to leave quickly. "Just a few more minutes" I told myself. I needed to keep it in for just ten more minutes so in just a hospital gown and my sneakers I ran. I ran and ran down the stairs and out of the door. It was only after I had been running for 5 minutes when I realized I didn't have anywhere to go. Charlie thought I was ill and in a hospital far away. "Fuck it" I said to no-one in particular I had had enough of protecting Edward so with a destination in mind I started to run again. I realized that running was relaxing. It was a great release and I began to enjoy myself. All too soon I arrived at Charlie's. I walked through the door and Charlie's face was priceless. He was so shocked I knew how it must look. Me standing there in nothing but a hospital gown with my hair resembling a bird's nest and my face looking devastated. I realized I couldn't hold it in any longer and threw myself into Charlie's arms sobbing releasing all my pain that had built up the last hour


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week, one week since Nessie had died and nothing had changed. I still felt the same amount of heartbreak. I felt as if I was getting nowhere fast. I barely ate, I barely slept, I barely even moved. Every time I closed my eyes I had the same dream. Edward carrying my screaming baby away from me, She was screaming "mummy help me!" and there was nothing I could do to help her. Charlie was helpless and I felt guilty with what I was putting him through but I couldn't stop. I didn't have the motivation or the energy to try to put on a show for him Most of the time I would just sit there on the sofa barely moving. What Edward did had affected the Cullen's as well. Rosalie and Emmett had moved out because Rosalie couldn't stand to live with Edward, Esme was struggling to forgive Edward for what he did and apparently Alice and Jasper had been arguing a lot recently. The Cullen's were falling apart. When I first arrived at Charlie's he didn't know what was going on and I was too hysterical to tell him so he called Edward but he never answered so he called Alice who came straight over and explained that I had been pregnant but lost the baby late in the pregnancy. Alice had told him that I hidden my pregnancy from him for fear of him being mad. He didn't ask about Edward.

That was seven days ago and I was now showing signs of life. It was Nessie's funeral today; I had to make the effort so I got changed into a simple black dress and just left my hair down hanging limply. Alice and Rosalie had organised the funeral so I didn't know anything about it, all I knew was that the hearse would be outside Charlie's house at 1.00pm and I needed to be ready by then. Charlie entered my bedroom, bringing me out of my thoughts. "It's here" he said, I inhaled deeply and walked out of the door. This was going to be a hard day. I nearly broke down there and then when I saw the coffin. It was so tiny, No coffin should be that small it just shouldn't. I choked back my sobs and went over to the coffin; I didn't say anything I just stood there putting one hand on the car. The car ride to the church was excruciatingly long. People would stare at the coffin and then give me sympathetic glances but I became bitter. Why were they going on with there lives as if nothing happened? The world should have stopped. My baby was dead.

We arrived at the church and Charlie picked the coffin up. If the coffin was bigger then I would've chosen Charlie, Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper to carry it but as the coffin was so small I only needed one person. I couldn't choose between the Cullen's so I just choose Charlie. It was the only detail of the funeral I chose. I looked over at him and saw that he had tears rolling calmly down his face. It was the first time I had saw him cry. We walked into the church with Charlie in front and when we sat down I saw that Edward was here. I had not felt any emotion apart from grief that past week but when I saw Edward anger came back to me. I stood up and turned to Emmett "I need you for a minute" I said to him. I walked up the aisle emmett following me and went up to Edward who was sat right at the back. "What are you doing here?" I asked "I'm here for the funeral" he replied "oh no you're not" I said "you don't deserve to be here today, you'd best leave now before you make a scene" He started to protest but I didn't listen I turned to Emmett and said "Will you please escort Edward out of here?" Emmett nodded grimly and dragged Edward out. I turned around and went back to sit down. I knew he would happily drag Edward out because he was still a bit bitter about Edward ordering Jacob to attack Rosalie. The service passed quickly and before I knew it, it was time for me to say my piece. I stood up and walked to the altar touching the coffin as I did.

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and when I sat down to write how I felt, I couldn't do it. You see what I've lost is too big, is too painful and I can't bear to think of my life without her. So I thought I'd tell you of my life with her and how if felt to be a mum. You know some mothers say that you become a mum the moment your child is born but I think that you become a mum as soon as you find out your pregnant, you see I loved her from the minute I knew she existed, and with every kick I grew more and more excited to finally put a face to my little nudger. The amount of pride she gave me every time she kicked me or wriggled around in my belly. I loved her so much and it was like this overwhelming feeling which made everything else pale into insignificance. I felt this overwhelming desire to protect her but I couldn't and she was so cruelly murdered. When that happened I realised another thing I needed you Nessie, I needed your unconditional love and trust and now that you're gone I don't know what I'm going to do" I stepped down from the altar and walked back to my seat. Rose got up and walked towards the tiny coffin.

When she got there she just put one hand on the coffin and whispered "bye bye baby" What? No! It can't be time to say goodbye yet it just can't. I stood up without even realizing I was doing it and ran towards the coffin whispering "no, no" Emmett got up and followed me as I ran to the coffin and grabbed hold onto it for dear life "come on Bella sweetheart" Emmett said softly "no I can't let go she's just a baby she's just a baby" I said sobbing. "Bella you don't want to say bye like this" Emmett whispered to me kneeling beside me "I don't want to say goodbye it's not fair" I sobbed Emmett grabbed hold onto me and sat me on his lap. He rocked me as I sobbed and a vaguely heard the priest say something. It was only half an hour later when I had stopped crying that I realised the priest had asked everyone to step outside. When everyone had come back in Charlie picked up the coffin and we set of for the place Nessie would be buried. It was beautiful. It was under an apple tree with a beautiful view. I was happy she would be in peace here.

The rest of the day was a blur, the same mundane people saying the same mundane things again and again. I didn't care what they had to say because it was meaningless. Life was meaningless. It was only after the wake when we were all cleaning up when a certain thought came into my head. "Alice" I called. Even though I had only called Alice the whole Cullen clan came, they were extra protective today thanks to my breakdown at the funeral. "Yes Bella?" Alice asked me concernedly "why didn't you see what Edward was going to do?" I asked her. I was sure I saw comprehension flash on her face but she wiped it off quickly. "You mean when he . . ." She trailed off. I nodded "J . . ." she begun to say but I cut her off. "Jacob was downstairs" I said "you would have saw Edward" I said and this time she couldn't deny it guilt was covering her face, she looked so forlorn but I didn't care I couldn't believe it. Alice had a hand in my baby's death? I was so shocked but when I got over that a stronger emotion overtook me, Rage. I was shaking with it and it was blinding my vision, I couldn't help it I spat in Alice's shocked face. Jasper roared with rage and headed towards me but Edward appeared out of nowhere and stood between me and him. Jasper and Edward were growling at each other, I started shouting at Alice Rosalie grabbed me to stop me hurting myself to attack her and Emmett was trying to calm Jasper and Edward down. "ENOUGH!" Esme shouted and we all stopped to look at her "This is ruining our family" Esme said "Rosalie and Edward, Emmett and Edward, Bella and Edward and now Jasper and Edward and Bella and Alice? We need to sort this now or else we're not going to have a family left!"


	4. Chapter 4

We all turned to Esme shocked by her outburst. She was breathing heavily and was leaning into Carlisle who had walked up to her and put his arms round her. I immediately felt sorry for her. Her children were at war and she was trying so hard to keep her family together. Carlisle turned to us all "Esme is right" he said "we need to sort this out" he sighed deeply "family meeting now" his tone making it clear that attendance was compulsory. It obviously wasn't clear enough because Rosalie blurted out "I am not being in the same room as him" she said giving Edward a dirty look. Carlisle cut her off by one look at her.

We all walked into the dining room which still hadn't been cleaned from the wake. That didn't seem to bother anyone as everyone took there places at the table. Edward sat on one side with Rosalie opposite on the other side glaring at him. I went and sat down next to Rose along with Emmett while Alice went to sit with Edward followed by a reluctant Jasper. We all turned to look at Esme and Carlisle who hadn't sat down yet. Esme looked so torn it nearly broke my heart. She kept looking from Edward to me and back again until Carlisle came up to her and sat her down at the end of the table in-between us.

He didn't sit down next to her though. Instead he stood up pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and for once Carlisle looked his age. He lifted his head staring at us all "This family has been together for nearly one hundred years and yet it takes less than one day to destroy us? No I don't think so, we are a stronger family than that" he said beginning to pace around the room. "I do not care if it takes us another one hundred years to get back on track nobody apart from Bella is leaving this room until this is sorted. We're going to work through our problems calmly and rationally one by one. No screaming or fighting or spitting" he turned to Jasper "Jasper you can go first, why did you sit with Edward?"

Jasper shuffled uncomfortably in his seat and mumbled "because Alice sat here" Carlisle nodded and said "So who would you sit with if you had to choose for yourself? Whose side are you on Jasper?" "I'm not getting involved" Jasper said "I understand why Edward did it, In his eyes Bella was dying because of the baby and well he felt he had no other choice and loved Bella too much to let her die however I also can feel the pain Bella's going through now, Edward's an idiot for putting her in this suffering. It's going to take ages to get over it. That's why I'm sitting here. I'm not sitting with Edward, I'm sitting with Alice" Jasper finished his speech with a kiss on the tip of Alice's nose. "So you don't harbour any ill feelings towards Bella or Edward?" Carlisle asked him. Jasper shook his head no and Carlisle shifted his glance towards Alice.

"Ok Alice I don't think any of us understood what went on before between you and Bella so care to fill us in on the details?" Alice grabbed Jaspers hand and began "I helped Edward get rid of the baby" she couldn't continue because everyone apart from me, Jasper and Edward gasped and understanding hit me. That's why Jasper and Alice had been arguing because he knew what she did. I turned to look at Rosalie and she was shaking with anger. I knew exactly how she felt. Emmett was stroking her shoulders saying softly "come on baby just leave it". Alice opened her mouth to say something but was cut of by Rosalie who screamed "YOU BITCH!!!" and flew at her across the table. Emmett, Jasper and Edward jumped up and dragged her off Alice but she kept trying to go for her "ENOUGH!" Carlisle yelled. "Rosalie Hale you get back in your seat NOW! Or so help me" He looked murderous but his face relaxed a bit when everyone sat down including Rose. "Continue Alice" Carlisle said. "It was the day before it happened" Alice began "Edward approached me asking for my help and I was prepared to say no but he began saying things like if Bella died then it would be all my fault and I'd feel guilty and that Bella would definitely die" I was shocked, Edward had totally and completely emotionally blackmailed Alice into helping him. Rosalie must have thought the same thing because she turned her glare to Edward who began squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

"I know what would help this family get back together." Rosalie said standing up "Edward should leave" everyone turned to look at Rosalie and Esme started shaking her head. "Why do you think that Rose?" Carlisle asked "It was you that wanted to leave before" he said frowning. Rosalie sighed impatiently and replied "I know I know but I'm thinking of long term plans that are best for this family. Edward is the cause for all this mess and heartbreak and I just think if he went away for a while then we could heal properly and then when all the bitterness is gone he could come back" Rosalie said as if she was talking to a toddler.

Carlisle stared at us thoughtfully obviously thinking Rosalie's argument through. He just stood there and it had been quite a while since he last spoken but none of us dared to bring him out of his reverie while he was in such a temperamental mood. He sighed heavily and said "Well we take a vote and if the majority of the family wants him to leave then he can go stay in Alaska, but the deal is he only stays their for six months and then he comes back . . . if he wants to. No matter what he's done he is still part of this family agreed?"

One by one everyone at the table nodded their head. Carlisle turned to Esme and before he could ask the word was out of her mouth "No" she said smiling sadly at her son. Carlisle turned to Jasper who looked determined "yes" Jasper said "I was telling the truth when I said I bare no grudges against Edward but if he's only gone for a few months and this family can get back to normal then I think Edward should make the sacrifice" Jasper said looking at Edward when he finished who was smiling reassuredly at him. Next all eyes were on Alice who just said "no" and obviously wanted to leave it at that. Next was me I didn't want to make a speech either so just said "yes" and then turned to Rose to get her vote. "yes and you know the reasons why" she smiled at me and then glared at Emmett warning him with her looks that he would be in trouble if he said no. He obviously was prepared to endure whatever punishment Rosalie had in store for him because he said cheerfully "no, course not there's no-one whose more fun to wind up than our Eddie poo here and I'm not giving up my favourite hobby for six months" he said grinning stupidly. Rosalie hissed in rage and everyone turned to Carlisle for his vote.

It was currently tied and Carlisle's vote would be the one that mattered. "I don't think that Edward leaving is going to help. We've all lost a member of family here and it will take time for the pain to stop and the wounds to heal. No matter how much all of us especially Bella and Rosalie may think that he leaving will lessen the pain I don't think it will. The only cure for grievances is time so I vote No" Rosalie stood up and started shouting at Edward again but he wasn't listening. He was staring at me watching my facial expressions and trying to understand what I was thinking I'm guessing. Edward stood up "I'll leave" he said. Esme stood up and said "No son" but Edward cut her off "I'm doing it for Bella, it kills me that she's in this much pain because of me and if she wants me to leave I will. It's the least I owe her" If Esme could cry she would be in tears right now as Edward crossed the room in two long strides and grabbed Esme in a bone crushing hug whispering something to her. After a few minutes he let Esme go, kissed her on the cheek and grabbed his car keys. When he got outside (followed by all the Cullen's and I) he walked to his car and smiled at each of his family and said to me "Take care of yourself" before getting into his Volvo in one fast move and driving of, down the driveway and out of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been six months since my life had fallen apart and the mental wounds were as strong as ever. Physically I had healed. The scar across my stomach was almost faded and the bruises across my wrists were long gone but mentally I still had a long way to go. I couldn't sleep in my bed; it had all started a few weeks after he left I was tossing and turning and felt like I had an itch. I decided to go visit Nessie (weird in the middle of the night I know but I wasn't thinking straight) so I got in my truck and drove to the graveyard. I talked to her for a while until I got back in my truck and fell asleep. The itch was gone. I had been doing that every day for the past six months. I'd change into my sweats and go to bed and then when Charlie was asleep I'd get up, drive to the graveyard and sleep in my truck and then I'd be back at the house foe when Charlie woke up. I loved feeling that close to my baby girl to know that I'm sleeping a few metres to where she's at rest. It makes me feel less lonely.

I was in counseling 3 times a week with a woman called Jane. She was a simple woman with mousy brown hair and big blue eyes. She had a kind smile. Her husband and son died in a car crash 5 years ago and she wanted to help other people in her situation so she trained to be a counselor. When we first met I was icy, cold and unresponsive and I hated her. I called her plain Jane in my head but eventually we began talking and I told her some of my story. It did help a little bit and we had grown good friends. She knew there was something I wasn't telling her though but she didn't push it and I didn't tell her. If I told her that I was still in mourning for my child because my vampire ex husband killed her I would be carried away to the loony bin.

I was still living at Charlie's. I knew I couldn't go to college in this state so I decided to have a year off and start college next year. I got my job back at the Newton's store and worked there full time. After six months my mind was in a better place. When Nessie first died I hated Edward. Every time I saw his face I wanted to scream, shout, claw at him and cause him as much pain as possible, now although I still hated him for what he did I could see his side of things. If there was something that was killing Edward and I had to sit there and watch him deteriorate day after day and I never saw what Edward was carrying as a human then I'd want to do what Edward did to me. I wouldn't because I would've been too scared to make him hate me but thinking like that, trying to see his side of things I could see why he did it. It didn't change what he did but I think over time I might be able to forgive him. As for Jacob I'm properly mourning him now. He was my best friend and I know he only did it for me again like Edward it doesn't make what he did reasonable or right but he had good intentions. I've forgiven him and visit his grave every week.

I still saw the Cullen's. Rosalie was round at our house nearly every day. We had become best friends and we'd always hang out together. I went to the mansion for dinner every week. We had a sort of ritual. I'd arrive and go to help Esme with her gardening, after a couple of hours I'd sit down and have dinner while chatting to Carlisle. Then I'd go and watch a movie with Jasper and Emmett. Thanks to them I've now watched all the James Bond movies, all the rush hour movies and god knows how many shooting cop movies. Alice would always hover in the background never participating and I appreciated that. I wasn't ready to hang out with Alice just yet just like I wouldn't be ready to spend time with Jacob or Edward if they were here.

I was now at work bored, I was having a bad day this morning and just wanted to spend all day at the graveyard and talk to Nessie but I forced myself to go to work. I needed to keep my mind of him. Rosalie had come round last night and after acting weird all day she finally told me what was bugging her while painting my nails. "Edward's coming back in a couple of days" she had said it so quietly that I wasn't even sure that she had said that at all "WHAT?!" I replied in a high pitched voice accidentally kicking my foot into Rosalie's face so she got a big blob of purple nail polish on her nose. It would have been funny if what she said hadn't been so unamusing.

Rosalie frowned at me disapprovingly "Well what did you expect? This is his home and we are his family" she said "did you expect him to be gone forever?" Rose asked sarcastically I sighed in defeat "no" I replied "I just didn't think this past six months would have gone so fast you know I mean … I dunno" I said struggling to get my words out. Rosalie frowned at me "wait a minute . . . do you still have feelings for him?" I stopped still. There was the million dollar question that I hoped no-one would ask me because the truth was I didn't know anymore. Now that the red angry haze had lifted and I could see his side I could tell how much HE loved ME and that he would destroy anything that was dangerous to me and that was pretty hard to resist but then when I saw all the pain he had caused me violating me like that and then killing my Renesmee. I was very hesitant to love him for two reasons. One, for fear of being burned again and Two, because I shouldn't, I knew it would be morally corrupt after what he did and I could never forgive him for that. I looked at Rosalie and sighed "I don't know, I really don't"

I was brought out of my reverie by Mrs Newton tapping me on my shoulder. I turned around and she was smiling at me. I robotically smiled back "you don't seem yourself, dear anything wrong?" she asked me. "Yes, yes there is please help me! Do something anything" I wanted to scream but I put my fake smile back on and said "No. I'm fine thanks for asking" She sighed and you could tell she didn't believe me. He always said … "no Bella" I scolded myself "do not think about him" I said firmly. I looked back up at Mrs Newton "you can leave early if you like, it doesn't look like we'll be getting many customers in and you look like you need the rest". I genuinely smiled at her this time. I really wanted to just get the hell out of there. It was just too much of an effort to act normal when I was like this. It reminded me of my zombie stage except this was real. I was aware of the people around me and the pain, that was there and it was intense. I quickly thanked Mrs Newton and grabbed my coat walking quickly out the door. I was getting in a state and there was only one thing that could help me.

I started running across the car lot, leaving my truck. I ran through the streets and all too soon I got to the graveyard. I smiled and walked in taking the familiar path towards my baby's grave. I stopped in my tracks though when I saw someone there. All the breath was knocked out of me because standing there putting flowers on Nessie's grave was the one person who I never expected to be there.


	6. Chapter 6

I just stood there in shock for a few seconds trying to find my voice and calm my heartbeats. Edward was here? In Forks? I felt myself getting faint but after taking a few deep breaths I found I was able to speak "What are you doing here?" I said after a few minutes. Edward turned around in shock "Oh … Bella … erm … aren't you supposed to be at work?" he said looking at his watch "Aren't you supposed to be in Alaska?" I replied curtly to which he looked abashed "I just got back" he mumbled "here was the first place I went too. I swear I thought you were at work or else I wouldn't have come here, I don't want to cause trouble" he said. I rolled my eyes "its ok you know. You don't have to turn into a blubbering wreck every time you see me" I said trying to act all cool and collected but it came out high pitched and shaky. He must have realised because he smirked at my words which he tried to immediately hide. He turned around and put one hand on the grave looking at the words which said

R.I.P

Renesmee Rosalie Cullen

Died smiling 27th August 2008

I see a light; hope.

I feel a breeze; strength.  
I hear a song; relief.  
Let them through,  
for they are the welcome ones!

Our little angel, gone but never forgotten

Pain filled his eyes but the vindictive satisfaction I got from his pain six months ago was gone. I wanted to walk up to him and hug him, hold him and never let him go. I immediately shook of these feelings. I didn't want to feel them especially for him. Instead of doing what I so desperately wanted, I walked up to him and took the flowers out of his hand, putting them on the grave, a sign. I nodded at him patting his arm as I started walking away I wasn't ready to talk to him or even too be near him yet. Once I was out of the cemetery I didn't know what to do. I was too wound up to go home and read or listen to music so I did what I always did when I was like this. I ran. I don't know how long I was running for or for how far I had ran. I had no intentions of stopping but when it got dark and droplets started falling down on me I decided to change my tracks towards the store where my car was still parked. Dripping wet from the rain and smelling of sweat I drove home. I parked up and was grateful to find that that Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway. My mind was all over the place and I didn't think I'd be able to put on a charade for him.

I had a shower, the boiling hot water easing the tension in my back. After spending as much time as possible in the shower. I climbed out and changed into a plain white v neck jumper and jeans tying my hair back into a simple ponytail I jumped down the stairs in a marginally better mood and made some Spaghetti Bolognese for Charlie before leaving the house at 8.30pm before Charlie got back. I drove to the cemetery as fast as I could, the need to talk to my baby getting stronger and stronger. When I pulled up though I was suddenly exhausted and after glancing at Nessie's grave I grabbed my blanket that was on the other seat and wrapped it around myself settling down for the night.

"bella Bella BELLA BELLA!!!" I woke up with a sore neck all scrunched up in my seat. Stretching my legs and yawning I turned around to find Rosalie in the other seat of the cab. "OH MY GOD!!" I screamed "Sorry for making you jump" she said apologetic but trying not to laugh. "How did you get in here?" I asked eyeing the door curiously. I was sure I locked it. Rosalie looked playfully offended "it is me you are talking to you know" she said wriggling her eyebrows "the best mechanic in the US" I snorted; now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows. "Ok well Forks" she said and I laughed. It was crazy that I used to be scared of Rosalie just a few months ago and now I was her best friend, insulting her hobbies. It was just the way we were with each other. I looked at her properly for the first time today and I nearly burst out laughing she was like Alice on crack. She just couldn't sit still and the gleam in her eye was the same look that Alice had the night before she was due to take a trip to mall of America. I knew there was only one reason why she would act like this. Edward.

"So you've seen him then" I asked her. She turned around looking very inconvincibly shocked "Who?" she asked. I rolled my eyes. Rose had missed him and I knew that. We had never talked about him but I could tell that like me she was very close to forgiving him only she would admit it. "Never mind" I said still too half asleep to try and force a confession out of her. I changed to another subject. "So why are you here" Rose didn't know I slept next to the graveyard and I was scared she'd think I was creepy or a weirdo or crazy or something. "Well Edward came back last night and I just wanted you to know before you saw him cos I know he said he's coming home tomorrow but …" she trailed off looking at me. "Why aren't you shocked or screaming or having a mental breakdown?" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes again "I already saw him, yesterday here. He was at the baby's grave". I said shrugging. I think she thought I was lying or that I was crazy because she began to examine my expression closely. After a couple of minutes I got bored of this and stuck my tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes and I laughed. "right now that I've gotten my wake up call and not so shocking news I'd better get back to the house before Charlie wakes up" I said looking at the sky which was slowly getting lighter. "Do you need a lift" I asked Rose but she just scoffed and got out of the truck and looked through the window "see you tonight. Remember you've got a dinner date with us and NO getting out of it" she said firmly. I sighed and waved before starting the ignition and heading home. A dinner date with my ex vampire husband who killed my child and who I may or may not love. Great this should be fun.

The poem on Nessie's grave is NOT something I wrote myself. It was written on the memorial of a sixteen year old girl called Sylvia Likens who died after being tortured for three months by a woman who she stayed with and her children. No-one reported the torture and she ending up dying. If child abuse is happening near you or ever does happen in the future then go and report it before it's too late. Sad I know but I thought it fitting to tell her story as I'm using her poem in mine.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Ok I'm really sorry I've not updated sooner but things have been crazy these past few weeks. I've decided my story is a little too sad (well duh obviously lol) so the beginning of this chapter has a little bit of humour in it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :(

"It's just dinner" I told myself "nothing to get so worked up about". I was sat in my rusty red truck in front of the Cullen's mansion slowly working myself into a state of frenzy. I had dreaded tonight all day what would happen? Would he be there? Would he try to talk to me? Would things be normal? I was considering phoning and saying I was sick when the sound of the door clicking made me freeze. "Hey" Rosalie said. I jumped out of my skin. She was sat in the passenger seat I turned around "stop doing that!" I snapped at her she rolled her eyes "Alice saw that you would go home so I decided to stop you" she pulled a pair of pink, fluffy handcuffs out of her back pocket. My eyes widened "you wouldn't dare" I said but secretly I wasn't so sure. Rosalie got what she wanted most of the time and today she wanted me in there. After a couple of seconds of deliberation including bribery, kidnap and blackmail ideas I sighed in defeat opening the door and stepping out into the cold spring air. I grumbled all the way to the door and shuddered when I thought of the likely reason Rose had pink, fluffy handcuffs.

I stood at the door taking several deep breaths with one hand on the door knob. Rose tactfully stood back keeping quiet letting me take my time. When I was on my twentieth breath I started to get light headed so I just decided to go for it and opened the door quickly without thinking and almost sprinted through it skidding on the lino, skidding back and falling on my butt great what an entrance bella. Rosalie grinned at me while helping me up "now that's how you make an entrance" She said unsuccessfully trying to hide her grin. I couldn't help it I burst out laughing and soon Rosalie joined me. That's how Carlisle found us thirty seconds later. His face lit up at the sight and I immediately felt guilty at all the pressure I'd put my second father and the rest of my family under. Following Carlisle was Jasper, Emmett, Esme, Alice and Edward. I waved awkwardly and the tension soon increased. "Fall down again Bella" Emmett said winking at me earning a smack on his head from Rosalie. I giggled at the sight along with the others everyone giving Emmett grateful smiles for easing the tension.

"Dinner is ready Bella I made you a nice casserole" Esme said walking up to me, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the table and to my surprise followed by the rest of the family. I gave a questioning look towards Rosalie who said "Esme thought it would be nice if the whole family sat down for dinner" she said rolling her eyes at the last bit and adding under her breath "dinner in a house where nobody eats totally sane that really it is" I tried to disguise my laughs as coughs as we all sat down at the table. "I hope you don't mind us joining you bella and of course if there are certain people you may not want to join us then of course tell us it is totally up to you" Esme said smiling at me and throwing a nervous glance at Edward. He was sat there furthest away from me totally calm, face devoid of any emotion. I wasn't going to be petty and keep him away from his own family in his first few days back so I said "no that's fine I'm happy with you all here" I put extra emphasis on all and quickly dug in. Esme's cooking was like nothing I had ever tasted before it was always the tastiest and luxurious food I had ever eaten.

After watching me eat for a while (which I got to admit made me feel a bit uncomfortable) The Cullen's started on some harmless small talk. Rosalie and Alice talking about some new range of designer swimwear they were hoping to get next week, Jasper and Emmett talking about a prank they were planning on playing on Mike Newton and Edward and Carlisle talking about some medical stuff I assumed (that sort of stuff just went way over my head). After joining in Edward's and Carlisle's conversation for a while and tutting at the boys she turned to me "so Bella" she began softly "I was thinking maybe you and I could go put some flowers on Nessie's grave tomorrow if you like" I was about to answer when I heard a loud crack and everyone shut up and turned to Edward who was holding a piece of wood from the table in his hands. He was looking at me with the most confusing look on his face. It was half a look of pure thunder and half a look of heartbreak "Edward" Esme scolded "that table is from the 18th Century it's irreplaceable you know that" Edward didn't take his eyes of me as he replied listlessly "I'm sorry, I'll pay for it to be replaced". Rosalie piped up then "you can't you moron it's irreplaceable that's the whole point Duh!" maybe Rosalie wasn't as close to forgiving Edward as I thought. I tore my eyes away from Edward as he stood up kicking the chair over as he went.

I felt the need to go after him, to comfort him, to cry with him and to share his pain but there was another part of me that said "don't you dare! If you go after him now he'll have learned nothing and he'll believe that you're a stupid walkover. Your daughters death will mean nothing to you and you might as well dance on her grave if you're gonna go to him" I felt like I was in a programme or movie when they have the little mini versions of themselves on their shoulders. One is an angel and wants you to do the good thing and the other is a devil and wants you to do the bad thing. With me it wasn't so simple though I didn't know which the right choice was and which the wrong was. I sighed putting my concern to the back of my head. I had no appetite to finish the rest of my dinner so I turned to Jasper and Emmett and said "C'mon boys what are we watching this time?"

After watching Blue Streak I was marginally cheered up. We had laughed our way through the movie and for 2 hours all I had to worry about was finding a diamond and making sure Martin Lawrence wasn't found out as a fake cop but now I was back in the real world and along with the real world came real worries. After saying goodbye to my family I stood at the door once again debating. I called Alice downstairs feeling bad but telling myself I only wanted to see him to make sure he was alright and that he wasn't going to do something stupid and provoke the Volturi or something. The back of my mind said "Ahhh but they have Alice for that, so why do you really want to see him?" "Shut up shut up shut up stupid judgmental mind" I grumbled. All of a sudden Alice was there in front of me I jumped out of my skin once more.

"I wish vampires would STOP doing that!" I shouted angrily. I would never get used to their sudden movements and instant arrivals. "Sorry" Alice said "so what is it you wanted?" I suddenly remembered what I wanted Alice for with a jolt in my stomach "erm … you see … the thing is … well …" I said stuttering, trying to get my words out "you wanna find Edward" she said matter of factly. "He's at the baby's grave" she said with a knowing look on her face. I hated her for knowing me so well and being so happy that I was going to see him. It was annoying but I didn't want to snap at her so I just turned around and walked off. "Bella!" Alice called. I turned around "tread carefully with Edward" she said slowly to me looking as if she was trying to find the right words "he's … well he's only starting to accept that he's lost you and the baby and as you saw before he's pretty fragile and taking it hard. I guess he always thought you'd forgive him" She sighed and without another word walked back into the house leaving me to process her words.

He had given up on me, on us just like that? I was supposed to be the love of his life but he couldn't be bothered fighting or waiting for me. I didn't know whether I should laugh, cry, scream or cheer. My legs felt like jello. Then again I didn't know why Alice's admission had bothered me so much. I had told him that nothing could happen between us and I would never forgive him for what he did and I was telling the truth. I didn't want him to be part of my life no matter how much I loved him. Trying to collect my jumbled thoughts I got into my truck and set off to the graveyard driving all the way there on autopilot.

Parking up at the graveyard I started to worry. What would he say? What would he do? I got out of my truck fumbling with the door and after inhaling deeply I walked into the graveyard and that's when I first heard it. A mans sobs. Pitiful and Ragged they were heartbroken. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and sure enough my suspicions were confirmed when after turning the corner I saw Edward there. He was kneeling at the grave the sounds coming out of him. I wanted to cry myself. He was in so much pain. I never really got it; I always thought he felt guilty but never did I think he felt this much pain. Without even thinking I started towards him walking slowly and carefully towards him in case he rejected me. He never even acknowledged me as I walked up to him and kneeled down beside him. I wrapped my arms round him and he leaned into me. It was as if he needed the support. And there we sat all night long rocking and crying with each other finally sharing our pain, finally united.

AN – Sorry to say this but this is NOT them getting back together. I know the end sounds like it but no it's not. The next chapter should be up later on today or early tomorrow. Also just thought people should know there is going to be 9 chapters of the story in total then an epilogue and 2 alternate endings so I'm by no means finished with this story.


	8. Chapter 8

AN - It is 5.45am were i live and i can barely keep my eyes open so this chappie might not be up to stratch but i will go through it in a bit once i've got some sleep so consider this a rough draft i'm defo going to bed now please review xx

I woke up very comfortable and snug wrapped up in a blanket. I opened my eyes. I was in my truck and had no idea how I got there. All of a sudden it all came back to me. Edward crying and me comforting. Me yawning and Edward picking me up and putting me in the truck wrapping me in the blanket and snuggling up to me all night. Suddenly the truck door opened and Edward got in. He was holding a small bag of muffins in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other "I got some breakfast. I hope you like blueberry muffins" he said sitting down next to me "No No NO!" I said whacking my hand on the steering wheel. "Jeez okay I'll get you something else" Edward grumbled getting out of the car, I stopped him "Edward wait!" he turned around and looked through the window. "Last night was a mistake Edward I'm sorry but I only wanted to give you a hug and …" "and you did" Edward said intercepting me I groaned in frustration "that lasted 2 hours Edward!" I said "and not to mention spending the whole night together" I added almost groaning again.

How could I have been so stupid as to put myself in a situation with him again? Was i so deluded that i would let him get away with murdering my daughter? I looked at him and threw a glance at the graveyard helplessly. The were the two things I so desperately wanted in the world and they were both out of reach. Life was so cruel. "listen I can understand why you don't want to be my wife any more I did the worse thing to you violating you like that and I will be forever guilty for that but can't we just be friends? I need you in my life Bella one way or another" Edward said sounding so genuine and sorrowful I couldn't even consider saying no but i couldn't say yes either. "I'm sorry Edward but this can't happen again" I said starting the car "Wait!" Edward said "at least think about it will you do that for me?" I deliberated for a second before nodding, putting my foot on the pedal and speeding down the street before he could say another word.

After going home to make Charlie and I some breakfast and having a shower I set of to work. It was stressful. I was running the place singlehandedly. It had been pouring outside so I was constantly mopping up the mud people slopped in as well as the customers that were rude their were the customers that expected me to hold their babies while they browsed and the customers that expected you be a expert at hiking despite me explaining five times I was only here for a few months until I went to college. I also slipped on my butt probably bruising it in the process much to the amusement of two little twin boys that were running around the place screaming while their mother chased after them. So that's how I left the store at 5pm wet, muddy, covered in baby puke and in a very bad mood. I was driving down my street when that's when I saw them.

2 fire engines parked outside my house. Charlie was stood outside talking to one of the fire-fighters. On closer look I saw the black billowing smoke coming from the back of the house. I parked up and walked towards Charlie who shot me a guilty look. "I only wanted to treat you to dinner" he said holding his hands up. I nearly lost it with Charlie then but I calmed myself by taking plenty of deep breaths and counting to ten. Nope it didn't work I still wanted to throttle him. Ignoring him I turned to the fire-fighter "What's the damage?" I asked him. "Luckily we've managed to keep the fire contained to one room but your kitchen's completely ruined" He said. I nodded my thanks and after a half hearted grin at Charlie to show him I wasn't mad I walked into the house going straight upstairs and into my bedroom. I flopped myself on my bed and after screaming into my pillow for a quarter of an hour I took a shower and changed (AN: I know she took a shower in the morning but she was covered in mud and puke Yuk!). I needed to get out of here and when I was in this mood and this wound up I knew of only one person who could calm me down – Edward. My stomach was in knots as I dialed his number.

"Hello" he answered "I need to get out of here wanna come" I said. "sure meet me at our meadow in an hour" I ended the call with a smile on my face and opening the door I skipped down the stairs and blew a kiss to a very confused Charlie before beginning to run. I ran and ran and pretty soon I was at the meadow. I laughed when I saw Edward sat there on a picnic blanket with a basket beside him "Alice said you hadn't eaten and would be hungry" he explained. "C'mon lets go for a swim" I said not wanting to sit down and have idle chit chat with him just yet. "A swim?" he replied blankly. I giggled "yeah you know arms, legs, water" i said sarcastically he rolled his eyes and stood up following me to the lake that was about a quarter of a mile from the meadow. It was only small but it was secrete so we could have some privacy. When we got there I began taking my t-shirt off when Edward raised an eyebrow at me "What?" I asked defensively "it's nothing you've not seen before" i was proud of myself for acting so casual even though i was blushing and my heart felt like it would come bursting out of my chest any second. When I was stripped down to my underwear I raced forwards and jumped in the lake ignoring him. A couple of seconds later though I heard an almighty splash I turned around but no-one was there. I was starting to get creeped out when I felt his hands on my legs under the water. Ignoring the electricity running through them at his touch I squealed and laughed. And there we were laughing and playing like normal teenage friends.

A couple of hours later and it was now dark. Edward and I and were sat on the picnic blanket in the meadow with a fire going beside us. I was roasting marshmallows while Edward was once again trying to cover me up in another layer of clothing. I was wearing a white t-shirt with a warm blue sweater, Edward's jumper and his coat on top of that. He was way too overprotective but not wanting to ruin the day I kept quiet and never whinged once. "the fire needs some more wood" I pointed out, getting up to go get some but Edward stopped me saying "it's OK I'll do it you're so clumsy you'll probably end up setting me on fire" he said grinning at me. I was annoyed at him laughing at my expense so I sat back down without a word "you know your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash" Edward said to me with a raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes and Edward's gaze suddenly shifted to my shoulder "what's up?" I asked him "don't move bella there's a bug on your shoulder" he said walking up to me slowly. He kneeled down and while getting it off my shoulder I saw him up close for the first time in six months. I greedily inhaled his scent and before I knew it I was kissing him. He pulled back to my dismay but one look at my face told him all he needed to now as he resumed the kiss deepening it while laying me down on the picnic blanket.

I woke up confused and disoriented in Edwards arms for the second morning in a row. I sat up and remembered what I did with a jolt in my stomach (AN: deja vu anyone?) I looked at Edward and he had such a blissful look on his face but my vision was blurred by tears when I remembered Nessie who was the real victim in all of this and the person who I was staying away from Edward for. I felt like i was disappointing her and my heart ached at the thought as tears began to fall down my face. Edward must have noticed my distress because he said "Bella? Are you OK?" I ignored him as I stood up and began to run. "Bella Bella!" Edward called after me but I didn't listen to him "You're not leaving" He was right behind me now "I'm sorry Edward it was a mistake" I mumbled to him. "A mistake?" he repeated disbelievingly and then he got angry "Don't you dare say that! Last night was the first time I saw the real Bella since I got back, The Bella with all her defenses down … My Bella so don't you say it was a mistake because it wasn't. Goddammit Bella why are you putting your defenses up for me?" His voice was shaky with hurt and anger I tried to ignore him but I couldn't. His voice was everywhere.

"I was all ready to give up on you Bella, give up on us. Bella the reason I've not been to Italy these past few months was because I had hope for us but I gave up on that when I returned and I realised that I couldn't fix what I had done. Then last night you show your true feelings and I'm confused! you love me!" he said "yes" I grudgingly replied "Then what's the problem?" He said clear frustration in his tone "Why can't we be together?" I don't know why or how but I suddenly snapped and finally spun around the face him shouting "BECAUSE IT'S NOT ENOUGH!" I shouted back at him. "In a relationship you need more than just love. You need honour and respect and trust and we don't have that! I would love for us to be together Edward but what you did was the cruelest despicable thing and I can't ... I won't move on from that. So we can't … we just can't I'm sorry" I said breathlessly and without another word I begun to run down the road away from Edward desperately trying to quieten my sobs and get Edward's heartbroken expression out of my mind.

AN: The next chapter is the last chapter. I cannot believe that this story is nearly finished. Anyway the next chapter involves more tears and tantrums, a heart to heart between Bella and Charlie and a heart to heart and so does Bella and Edward. But will Bella take him back? Well you'll have to wait and see haha!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I am so annoyed with myself at the moment. I spent most of my day writing the last chapter (the longest by far) on my dads laptop and what do I do? I don't upload it before leaving urrgggggghhhh! So now I have to write it all again because I'm not gonna be back at my dads for at least another 2 weeks and I don't wanna give him my password for my account so he can't email it to me. You guys are lucky I love you all so much

I ran and ran, climbing and tripping over stray branches struggling to walk through the muddy ground. It didn't help that the ground had no trails. My tears were blinding my vision making me feel more pathetic in turn making me cry more. It was a stressful circle but eventually i came to a road. To my relief i realised where i was and immediately i started to run home. Arriving home sweaty, muddy and out of breath i gave Charlie a shock when i burst through the door. He was in his uniform on the way out of the door. "Bella? are you okay" he asked me concern etched on his face but after such an emotional morning irritation flared up in me "Do i look okay?" i snapped at him. He face crinkled in hurt and confusion as I ran up the stairs taking two at a time and went into the bathroom locking the door when i was in there. Breathing deeply i turned around and ran the taps on the shower finally sitting down on the bathroom floor. I couldn't get Edward's hurt face out of my mind and it wasn't long before i was crying again.

I cried for mine and Edward's doomed relationship, I cried for Jacob who had willingly died for me without a second thought. I cried for our daughter who never got to live or appreciate life. But most of all and how callous and self-centered this may sound I cried for me. I cried for the fact that I could never be just a normal teenager having fun with her friends. I cried for the fact that I just couldn't be happy and how close my happy ever after came before being ripped away.

I don't know how long I sat there on the floor crying for but eventually I found the strength to get up. I walked over to the mirror assessing my appearance. My face was blotchy and tear stained, my lips were swollen from kissing Edward so hard and I had a leaf in my hair. I hated what I saw. A weak, pathetic shell of a woman. Before I knew what I was doing I punched the mirror and it broke into a million pieces. I looked around at the shards of glass on the floor and picked a piece up slowly bringing it to my wrist. I smiled in the knowledge that my pain would soon be gone and I would soon have my baby in my arms.

"Bella? Bella?! What was that? are you okay?" i heard Charlies panicked voice on the other end of the door and i groaned. I couldn't even kill myself properly. I tried to ignore the knocking but it just got louder and louder and more frantic. I gave up for now pocketing the sharp mirror piece before turning the taps of and opening the door. "I punched the mirror" I explained gesturing towards the bathroom. He raised his eyebrows disaprovingly "Bella i think we need to have a little chat" he said and without another word he set of downstairs. I followed him down the stairs and into the living room. I sat down on the old worn sofa while Charlie went to the phone and began dialling. "yeah mark it's Charlie ... i'm sorry but i'm not gonna be in today...yeah i think it's one of those 24 hour bugs i should be in tomorrow...cheers mark i owe you one bye" Charlie put down the phone. "I don't need a babysitter" I said disgruntled "Well your behavior upstairs shows me otherwise doesn't it young lady?" he replied. He sighed and walked over to the couch and sat down next to me. He grabbed my knuckle which was sore from punching the mirror and looked at it. "this needs to get seen to by a doctor" he said i nodded.

"i never told you about when your mother left me did i Bella?" charlie said softly. I was shocked to say the least. I knew the reason that Charlie had never spoken of that time was because it was too painful for him. I slowly shook my head. He smiled "she left because of my stupidity. I loved your mother very much and she loved me but we had our differences as you know Renee was always looking for adventures. She hated everything to do with ruts and schedules. I was completely different. I liked knowing what was going to happen the next day. yes i'll admit i was in a rut but i liked my rut. Renee tried to instil her fondness for adventure in me unsuccessfully but although we were different we worked. We were like chalk and cheese but we loved each other so much not to let that get in the way of us. When your mother was offered that job in arizona i flatly refused. I didn't want to move away to a strange country that i didn't know and leave forks. My parents, my friends, my job and my whole life was here in forks. I honestly thought that she would stay. But it was the straw that broke the camels back and she left. That was the biggest mistake of my life and i ended up losing the two most important things to me in the whole world. You and your mother. Now i don't know what edward did to you and you don't want to tell me i'm not gonna force you but i can see that you still love him very much." i interrupted him "how do you know i still love him?" he rolled his eyes "Bella you're my daughter i can see it in your eyes. That and the fact that i found your ring and pictures in your draw" I felt my stomach drop. when edward left i couldn't bear to throw away my wedding ring or any pictures of us so i put them away in a draw in my bedroom confident that noone but me would see them. Charlie continued oblivious to my mental tirade "Bella honey i made a mistake and i regret it every day of my life. From what Alice has told me so does Edward. A time machine doesn't exist so we can't go and undo our mistakes but we sure can learn from them. Don't do this to yourself sweetheart. At least try to save your relationship. I know your scared to trust him again sweetie but you never know if you haven't tried. At least think about it." I nodded slowly as he got up off the couch. "And get that hand seen to today" he said firmly to me before leaving me to my thoughts. Was Charlie right?

EPOV - Later that evening

I was lying on my bed thinking over the events of the day I wasn't angry or annoyed with Bella in the slightest. I deserved every single bit of pain that i got after what i did. I was partly relieved that Bella had finally realised what a monster i was. That she realised i never deserved to be loved or respected in any way shape or form. I heard shuffling outside my door and rolled my eyes. After the events of this morning i was now on suicide watch. Emmett was currently guarding outside my bedroom door and Jasper was outside in the garden making sure i wouldn't try to jump out of the window. They didn't need to worry. I wasn't planning suicide. That would be the cowards way out. I would be relieving my own pain but causing a lot more for my family. No, this was my punishment. An eternity of pain and guilt. Personally i didn't think it was enough. I had killed a beautiful little angel, almost broke my family apart and bella ... I didn't recognize her. Her eyes were lifeless. She acted like she she had no point of living and i had caused that. I cringed away from the memory.

I suddenly heard a knock on the door and faintly heard Bella's voice asking alice for me. My heart broke, she had come to tell me to stay away. I walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs towards the door which had shut. I went to open it but Bella stopped me. "don't edward i look such a mess can;t we just sit?" i sat down closely followed by Bella. "So edward well first and foremost i need to say that what you did to me was the most vile, cruel thing ever and if i didn't love you so damn much then I'd be gone. I can never forgive you for what you did i hope you can understand that. I also want to say that you were right. I have been scared of trusting you and i have been keeping a wall up between us and for that i'm sorry. I think we should try again. I don't know if our relationship is salvageable but i'm willing to try and see if we can work i have two conditions. one we take it slow. i don;t know if this is gong to work so we can't be rushing into things and two i make the rules i see who i want when i want where i want and you have little to no say in my life are we agreed?" she finished her speech breathing deeply. I was in shock my brain wasn't functioning right. Bella wanted us to get back together! I truly didn't deserve this woman. "Bella yes of course i want to try again with you i love you, you are my whole life I'll accept whatever conditions you want we'll do whatever you want" I knew i was babbling but i didn't care. I grabbed Bella's hand through the cat flap in the door and if i had my way i knew i would never be letting go.

AN- Please tell me what you think and be honest i'm a big girl i can take it. Epilogue and 2 Alternate Endings will be up by monday because i'm moving on tuesday.


	10. Chapter 10 The Epilogue

AN – Ok so this is one year after Bella and Edward have gotten back together. I personally hate this ending but the Bella forgives Edward ending won by a landslide.

Chapter 10 – Epilogue

I smiled as I looked into the mirror at myself. I had to admit I looked amazing. Alice had done a fantastic job. I looked again in the mirror. I was glowing and I knew the reason why. I was so happy my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest any second. I was brought out of my thoughts as I heard the door open and shut behind me. I turned and smiled when I saw the little boy stood in front of me. He looked the double of his father with his emerald green eyes and his golden curls flopping in front of his eyes. They were getting long now and he could barely see through them but I shivered at the thought of what Alice would do if I even suggested that we cut it. Although he had his father's looks everyone said he also had his mother's personality. He had the most giving, kind and caring soul I had ever seen and he was only one year old. Granted he had the mind and appearance of a five year old but he still was so kind and wise it was easy to forget how old he really was. Looking at him now in his little suit I was so proud of him, my little EJ.

"Mummy, you look pretty" he said to me showing me a big toothy grin. I smiled back

"Thank you honey but I don't look as good as you do, aren't you handsome?" I picked him up and sat him down on my knee

"Silly mummy. You look like a princess" he rolled his eyes giving me a big hug. Tears collected in my eyes As I fiercely hugged him back. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after getting back together with Edward. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I had only been with Edward once in the forest since we had spilt up but once was obviously enough. I knew straight away that I wanted to keep the baby. No baby could ever replace Renesmee in my heart but that didn't mean I couldn't love again. Edward proved that. I was scared of Edward's reaction so being the wimp I am I wrote him a letter telling him I was pregnant. I stayed away from Edward the whole pregnancy. He was upset but understood I wouldn't let him anywhere near me till the baby was born. He went back to Alaska and I moved into the Cullen's where Carlisle could watch over me. I had a rough pregnancy with more than a few broken bones but after only a month I went into labour. I nearly died but Carlisle bit me and I was changed into a vampire. Edward came back during the change and when I woke up everything seemed perfect. I was relieved when EJ was a boy I don't think I would've coped with a little girl. A Renesmee lookalike I had Edward and my son.. So I was happy and I had my family. There was only one thing left to do. Something which I planned to do today.

I kissed EJ and let him down as Rose took him out the room leading him downstairs. I stood up and looked at myself in the wedding dress that I had worn not two years ago. It felt like déjà vu as Charlie took my hand and lead me out of the room and I ser off downstairs ready to marry the love of my life for a second time … and this time nothing would go wrong.

AN – So what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Please please tell me I've gotten 2 reviews for the last 2 chapters so please just give me a tiny review? Sad that I've resorted to begging but oh well. Also please check out my other Twilight story 'A Rose by Another name' it's what might happen if Bella was Rose's biological daughter.


	11. Alternate Ending No1

AN - I have just gotten a new laptop so i have not installed Word yet and i'm having to write on notepad hence the grammar and spelling mistakes. Although i don't even know how many loyal readers i have any more due to the fact i'm lucky if i get one review for a chapter i did promise you i would put up 2 Alternate Endings and so thats what i'm doing. This is the first one and then the next one will be up later tonight hopefully.

I frowned drowsily. I was not aware were i was and how i had got there. I vaguely heard two people talking.

"Edward ..." a familiar man said. I recognised the voice as Carlisle.

"no" Edward replied firmly "I am not going to change Bella this early into the coma. She's only been unconcious for two weeks and until she wakes up and decides for herself that she wants to be changed then i'm not taking the choice away from her" Irritation flared up inside me. I wanted to tell them to stop talking abot me as if i wasn't in the room but i couldn't sum up the energy to even open my eyes never mind scold my husband and father in law. I concentrated determindly on opening each eye one by one and eventually i did it. I opened my eyes to find a very distressed Edward, head down, sat on a chair next to my bed. Carlisle had his back turned to me looking at some files. I squeezed Edward's hand to get his attention and he looked up to me hope and shock on his perfect chiseled face.

"Carlisle" he croaked. Carlisle turned around and saw i was awake. His eyes widened. He came up to me asking me lots of medical questions. How i was feeling and what did i remember. He explained that i had lost a lot of blood and i fell into a coma while they were delivering the baby who had turned out healthy and fine. I was confused. The last thing i remembered was reading a story to EJ last night while Edward watched. EJ had fell asleep in my arms and Edward and I had spent the whole night just watching him sleep. Now they were talking about this. I couldn't grasp it.

"EJ" I managed to croak out to Edward whose eyes softened

"Bella you delivered a girl. A beautiful, healthy, baby girl. Our Renesmee" He said softly. Pain clenched at my heart and i started hyperventiling. Carlisle frowned at the heart moniter which was going wild. I tried to calm down but i couldn't. How could he of all people do this to me? Pretend like Renesmee was alice and well when i had buried her, mourned her and broken my heart night after night for her. He wouldn't do this not him.

"What are you talking about? Renesmee's dead!" I said desperatly trying to cling on to some sense. Some piece of sanity.

"love, Renesmee is alive and well. Rose has her right now i'll call her in if you'd like" Edward replied. I nodded numbly. Edward left the room and returned moments later with Rose and a little toddler girl cradled in her arms. I gasped. She looked the double of my baby Renesmee. She had the same curls, the same eyes even the same mouth. Their was no doubt this was my daughter. A perfect older version to the baby i had buried not 3 years ago. I was in shock but then an even stronger emotion took me - denial

"no.....NO! you killed her! you killed renesmee and then we a funeral and i divorced you! You killed her" I said angrily Edward was about to respond when Carlisle butted in

"I think i know what's going on here" He said thoughtfully. As if he was trying to solve a difficult maths equation "what's perfectly common in coma patients is that in their head they start to make things up and believe him. They make a fantasy world and live it out in their head as if they are not in a coma at all. What's the most weirdest thing is that they wake up and believe it is real" he said

"It was real it was!" I gabbled childishly

"I'm sorry Bella but no it wasn't. You went into labout with Renesmee early and Edward and I delivered the baby. She wasn't breathing at first but eventually we got her breathing again. It was only after that we noticed you had lost quite a bit of blood Bella and you slipped into a coma," Carlisle said gravely.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I asked for Jake and Renesmee and they both came into the bedroom. As soon as i saw Jake i burst into tears grabbing hm and pulling him into a bear hug big enough to rival Emmett's. I didn't let go of Jake or Nessie for 4 more hours. Eventually i decided it was good. Yes, definitley good.

AN - So did you like it? please review and show me i'm not just talking to myself pretty please? 


	12. Alternate Ending No2

AN - So this is this final Sorry chapter and Wow! i never thought i'd get here. For a first story this has been one to remember causing me a lot of headaches and troubles over the past 5 months but the fantastic reviews and support i've gotten from you my readers has persuaded me to keep going and not give up on it and i thank you for that. Thank you to everyone who reviewed even just once and who alerted/favourited or even just read my story and liked it. I have written two other Twilight fanfics (both currently in-progress) and i hope you'll check them out. One seems to be getting even as popular as Sorry was! Anyway i'll stop blabbering now and leave you to the second alternate ending to this story.

I don't own twilight :(

I was lying on my bed thinking over the events of the day I wasn't angry or annoyed with Bella in the slightest. I deserved every single bit of pain that i got after what i did. I was partly relieved that Bella had finally realised what a monster i was. That she realised i never deserved to be loved or respected in any way shape or form. I heard shuffling outside my door and rolled my eyes. After the events of this morning i was now on suicide watch. Emmett was currently guarding outside my bedroom door and Jasper was outside in the garden making sure i wouldn't try to jump out of the window. They didn't need to worry. I wasn't planning suicide. That would be the cowards way out. I would be relieving my own pain but causing a lot more for my family. No, this was my punishment. An eternity of pain and guilt. Personally i didn't think it was enough. I had killed a beautiful little angel, almost broke my family apart and bella ... I didn't recognize her. Her eyes were lifeless. She acted like she she had no point of living and i had caused that. I cringed away from the memory.

I suddenly heard a knock on the door and faintly heard Bella's voice asking alice for me. My heart broke, she had come to tell me to stay away. I walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs towards the door which had shut. I went to open it but Bella stopped me. "don't edward i look such a mess can;t we just sit?" i sat down closely followed by Bella.

"Edward i'm so sorry, For putting you through all this pain and anguish and messing you about" She said. I heard her trying to swallow her sobs. "Edward i tried. I tried so hard to put this behind us. To see if we could salvage something out of this whole mess but i was wrong and i was to give you false hope thinking that we could." She said bleakly. Although I knew she would say these things it did not ease any of the pain. I stood up and opened the door. Bella was stood their her face tear stained. I grabbed her and pulled her into a big hug while she sobbed. I wish I could do more. I wished that i could kiss her head and whisper sweet nothings in her ear but I knew that would be unacceptable. After a while she managed to quieten the sobs. She ran away and took my heart with her.

She grew up and went to college. She met a guy when she was a senior but was understandably wary about entering a relationship with him. He was called George Evans. He was good looking and came from a middle class family. His mother was a housewife and his father ran his own business. He was also an old romantic at heart. He loved, respected and adored Bella and although i hated him for it he made her happy. She eventually began writing childrens books. Her third book became a best selling childrens series about a fantasy world called Glassworld. When she was 25 George proposed to her. She happily accepted and they got married one year later. I watched from afar. When she was 28 she became pregnant for the first time to George and had a little girl who she named Alice to Alice's delight. Her second child was born 3 years later who she promptly named Jacob. Her last child came when she was 35. It was another little girl. They name her Mary after George's mother. Bella had a long and happy marriage that ended when George died at the age of 88. Bella lived on until she was 102 before dying peacefully in her sleep. I was with her when she died. Alice had phoned me to tell me that she would die in her sleep so like when she was seventeen I snuck through her bedroom window. I saw her lying there in bed and couldn't resist to lean over and stroke her face. I inhaled her smell greedily. She still smelt like freesia's and Strawberry's more than fifty years on.

"Edward" she mumbled in her sleep. My heart swelled. She had not forgotten me! She still felt something towards me 80 years on! "Edward ...Don't go" she said turning over in bed.

"Don't worry love, I'm not going anywhere" I said climbing onto the bed and holding her snuggly until she passed away. I was happy that she had had a happy life after all the pain i had caused her. After the funeral I knew what i had to do and this time they wouldn't stop me. I arrived at the airport and ordered a ticket for Volterra. My time on earth had come to a close.

AN - I deliberatly ended the chapter like that so you could sort of make up your own ending in your heads. That was the last chapter and this story is now complete :) 


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